Chat & Listen |
Tip 1: Chat & Listen
As we
know, all children are unique. Getting to know your own child, and knowing what
makes them
angry or
agitated can help you prevent angry or upsetting situations before they happen.
Talking
and listening to your child helps them to understand what’s going on:
Language: Try
to use positive words. Tell your child what you want them to do, not what you don’t
want them to do. Instead of “don’t make such
a mess” try “tidy
up your toys please”. This is an
example of positive parenting.
Change your
tone: Your voice is a powerful tool. Sometimes
changing your tone or volume can be enough
to stop a fraught situation or get your child to do what you want. This can
work equally well with older children. If you react or speak in a completely
different manner to which they expected they might be surprised.
Listening: Your
child is trying out his/her new language and needs to be heard. Encourage your
child to talk
to you – sit beside him/her – they’ll find it easier to talk and listen to you
if you’re not standing over them.
Feelings: Help
them find the words to tell you how they are feeling, even if it takes time.
Explaining: If
you have to say ‘no’, give your child a good reason and offer an alternative – “Rosie is playing with the doll now, let’s find you another
toy”.
Involve your
child: Where possible talk with them about the
rules and what you expect from them. Be clear.
Discussion: As
they get older discuss the setting of rules with them. Tell them you love them,
and show them by smiling, cuddling and kissing them. Tell them when you are
cross, or when you are not
happy
with their behavior. They need to realize that it’s the behavior you don’t
like and not them.
If
children are playing, they are less likely to be posting the remote control in
the bin or wrestling with a brother or sister! If you’ve got a lot to do in a
short space of time, set up an activity that will give you that all important
extra half an hour. Play is important and enjoyable, and children can learn a
lot from it. Children
need time to play on their own, with others and with their parents, as long as
they play safely.
A few
ideas for play might be:
Painting,
drawing and coloring: Children enjoy creating works
of art and the messier the better!
Water:
A washing up bowl of water and a couple of cups or a
plastic jug can keep a toddler busy for ages.
Imagination:
Get out some teddies and dolls and create a tea
party, a zoo made up of all sizes and shapes of toys or arrange a ‘shop’, with
some of the (unbreakable) contents of your kitchen cupboards –let their imagination run wild.
Keep it simple: Try
to keep a box of toys, crayons and play dough handy and make the most of bath time for playing with a couple of cups and a sponge.
Join
in: Once you’ve got everything out of the way, take
five minutes to get into what your child is doing – show them that what they’re doing is important.
Children’s
needs and understanding change as they grow, and what might be expected of a
four-year-old can’t be expected of a two-year old:
Exploring:
Young children find out about their world by touching, shaking,
tasting, pouring, queezing…the list is endless! This isn’t naughtiness, but a
way of learning about their world. Make your home ‘toddler proof ’ by storing
valuables and breakables away from your child so they can explore safely. The
mess of life with a toddler can be exhausting but think of all the learning they’re
doing!
Independence:
Part of growing up for your child will be pushing against the
boundaries and becoming an individual. You can help them by letting them do as much
for themselves as possible
– for
young children, keep toys at a child’s height, let them dress and feed
themselves.
Encouragement:
Your child will learn what’s ok to do from you, so give lots of
praise and attention to good behavior. If you only pay attention to your child
when they misbehave, they’ll learn to misbehave
to get your attention.
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